


wearing our vintage misery

by zanykingmentality



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/M, Introspection, Suicidal Ideation, Swordplay, can be read as romantic or not, that part is implied so it's not that bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 18:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8068117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanykingmentality/pseuds/zanykingmentality
Summary: It's raining, it's cold, and it's dark. His heart thumps under a thin casing of ice.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i really don't like this one lol but i was going through writer's block and i found this in my documents and i was like hey !!!!! let's post that one because it's actually finished 
> 
> as usual, it's unbeta-d, so please forgive any little mistakes i may have overlooked!

Their feet tap against the cobbled stone of the castle tower, where rain thuds against their hair and runs down their cheeks. Thrust, twirl, slash. His mount is nowhere to be seen, in the stables where it’s warmer and safe; and still they whirl around each other, unable to differentiate sweat on their foreheads from the rain. _Step step slash_.

“You’re doing well, little princess,” he comments. She doesn’t reply, crimson eyes narrowed and focused on the task at hand: defeating Xander. Their metal practice swords clang against each other, the noise ringing through the darkness of storm clouds and rain.

The storm came on unexpectedly, in the middle of their sparring; yet neither of them paid it any attention, intent on seeing through to the end the dance that is their arms swinging in precise strokes, crouched positions and weary legs. Kamui fights like nothing Xander’s ever seen before, despite the fact that he was her teacher: she whirls and hacks like a demon, her cape snapping in the wind, fighting low and close to the ground. She jumps, kicks with her bare feet, and twirls like it’s second nature, like her agility is something she can’t and _won’t_ lose, even in the face of battle, even when Xander’s hammered in precise forms and forward thrusts. She puts her own spin into performing the motions, both literally and figuratively; he raises his sword to block another move that would have hit, were he a less capable swordsman. She lets him block it, then backs off, waiting for his strike. Waiting, calculating.

(He’d never admit it, but the sight of her tangled white hair and blazing crimson eyes hits him in the chest every time.)

“You’re not bloodthirsty enough,” Xander shouts over the heavy shots of rain pounding against the tower; it burns in his eyes, blurs his vision, and still he can make out her silhouette as he lunges forward with a forward thrust. “Fight like you want to kill!”

“I _don’t_ want to kill you!” Kamui grunts back, the clang of their swords meeting yet again almost drowning out her words. Xander falters for a split second, giving Kamui the advantage: she presses him back and jumps, intending to perform a downward strike. As quickly as he can, Xander rolls out of the way, still relatively unused to serious battling without his trusty steed.

They’ve had the same exchange countless times, and each time her response takes Xander precious moments to process; she would be the first opponent on a battlefield, training or no, that had – _has_ absolutely no desire to kill him. It’s _strange_ and _foreign_ , and yet, it makes his heart clench in his chest, makes his face warm with the remembrance of repressed emotions.

Even though he’s always been holding back, even though she still has much to learn, Xander feels the pride well up in him when she comes at him, again and again; along with pride comes his guilt, at forcing her, the peaceful pacifist, down a path of violence and bloodshed. That’s all war and fighting is, really: orders and death and wailing voices that beg for mercy, screaming _please, please Prince Xander, take me, let my children go_ –

Every time he wishes it were over, he looks back at her, at _Kamui_ . He doesn’t see a spoiled, shoeless princess: he sees the captive she is, and he sees her endless optimism coupled with pure beliefs; Xander wants to save what light is left in her, wants to bottle up the purity and sunlit grins and keep it. Even though he knows the brightness of her is something that should be shared to heal Nohr, for _once_ he wants to be selfish and keep it for himself. To pick him up when it gets particularly bad.

He stands, the sweat and rain coating his face in a light sheen. His mind screams of absolution, but he says, “That’s enough for today, little princess. We’ll continue tomorrow.” She nods resolutely, shoots him a blinding smile – he sees it even after he blinks and she’s racing across the tower to the trapdoor. He sees it as he stares after the sway of unkempt winter-white hair, pale as freshly-fallen snow. He lets the rain trail between his eyes and down his cheeks; it runs coolly across his lips and drips off his chin.

She’s always been his salvation. Not for the first time, he wonders if he could possibly be hers as well.

 _PLEASE, PRINCE XANDER, I’M SORRY, SPARE MY FAMILY, PLEASE DON’T HURT ME_ –

He clenches his fists and turns away.

Until morning, then.

**Author's Note:**

> in all seriousness, i think Xander and Kamui's relationship is one that really should be looked at because it could easily deteriorate into some highkey co-dependency shit wHICH I WOULD TOTALLY WRITE IF YOU ASKED ME TO. they have a pretty interesting and relatively complex relationship and i would love to look into that further. i hope you enjoyed~


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